It's been a little bit over a month since I first heard anything about this trip/journey/tour around the world. In all honesty, I never imagined it was possible for me to do such a thing. Of course I've always dreamt of it, since I was very little, but I always thought it was an absurd fantasy of mine. Where I come from this dream almost never comes true, specially if you come from a poor family like me. So please understand that I feel very very grateful and blessed that such thing can actually happen to me. That the world conspired in my favor is more a result of a greater positive energy that has continuously been watching over me than my talent alone. Or at least that's how I feel now.
Those who know me, who have witnessed my struggles over the past 9 years, have told me that I "deserve" this. Perhaps because I have worked hard and have never given up. And of course it makes me really happy that they think this way. But I don't necessarily agree. I couldn't possibly be the only person that has worked hard in her life and is now getting a reward. I can think of a few others that I personally know that deserve a break much more than I do. I have seen them raise families single-handedly. I have seen them fight disease. I have seen them work 2 or even 3 jobs to provide for their children. I have seen them go through a lot and I have seen them smile and move forward despite it all. So I can't help but wonder what I did that was so special. Certainly I haven't raised a family, nor have I faced a major health condition. At most I had to learn how to take care of myself, improve my English, and find a way to get an education. Nothing special there, right? A typical immigrant story. However, I think, I hope, mine will be an immigrant success story. One that one day can perhaps encourage someone out there to follow their dreams.
So I mentioned that it has been roughly over a month since I knew that I would be traveling during the summer. This happened during winter break, after the New Year's celebration. I was impatiently waiting to hear back from a fellowship that if awarded it would have taken me to Kyoto, Japan for a year instead. As fate would have it I was not awarded the fellowship, although I came to a close second place. Not bad, but not good either. So there went my after-graduation plans. I panicked. I didn't want to go to grad school right away (because I was not sure what I would do there), and I didn't want to work for a bank or become an "analyst" as most Econ majors go on doing after graduation. Not because there's anything wrong in their decision, but because I didn't feel I would be happy there.
I panicked some more. I thought of my future a lot and felt the pressure every senior in college feels when thinking about their future. It is a very stressful time. And one does not simply graduate college without a "plan." If you are a senior you must come up with one, and fast. I was bummed. I was mortified. Why didn't the committee choose me? Why? Why? I complained to myself a lot during this time of uncertainty. I felt bad for doing so, but I really couldn't help myself. Soon enough I snapped out of it. It was not worth it to cry over spilled milk, or so the saying goes.
I did have some help. And very good news followed. One of my many adoptive families (I have many families who welcomed me in their homes as a result of living in the United States alone from such a young age) offered to buy me tickets to travel as a graduation present. I did mention I was quite bummed for a few days, right? They also offered me a job in their company, and with these offers they offered me a sense of security. So far so good. Two days later I heard news that my guru, Swami B.A. Paramadvaiti, would be visiting Miami for a few days. What better opportunity, I thought. He travels constantly and as a result it is hard to meet with him, specially if you don't live in a city that is not in his travel itinerary. (I currently live in Massachusetts, where I attend college and he does not come here often.)
I drove for an hour and got to the temple with no expectations, other that see him and perhaps talk to him a bit, which to me was more than enough. I had not seen him in 2 years, since the day I met him and took initiation, and to be honest I feared he would have forgotten me. Most people would have forgotten someone whom they met once, right? Not him. Even though he has hundreds of students (or devotees) he remembers every single one of them. He not only remembers your name, but who you really are. He is a great soul, someone who makes you happy just by looking at him, or hearing him, someone who makes you feel at ease. It is very difficult to describe the feelings I have when I'm in his presence. The only word that comes to mind, although inaccurate, is magical.
I met with him, and it was a very emotional moment. I didn't say much. He held my hand, offered a small prayer, and then looked right into my eyes. "Would you like to travel with me?" I could not believe it. I really couldn't. Even now I don't think what happened there was real. Without my expressing of how I was feeling, he knew exactly I wanted most even if I was not aware of it myself. He knew I wanted to spend some time in a temple, to have time to meditate, to explore my spirituality, to become familiar with an Eastern faith. I wanted to learn more about him, and how to become a person in tune with herself. So to hear that he was extending an invitation to me, seemed like a dream come true. I cried. I was really moved. Visiting many countries I've never visited before, I have to admit, is definitely a great opportunity. But to me what is really the essence and this journey is traveling alongside with him.
Think about your favorite actor, or someone whom you admire the most. Really think about it. You have someone in mind? Now, imagine this person is inviting you to travel with him/her for a few months. How would you feel? Surreal, right? That's how I felt, and still feel, and will probably continue to feel throughout the whole journey.
However, I can't help but feel unprepared. To be able to travel with him is a very high honor, and with that comes a lot of responsibility (as does with power). Namely, to be a member of a temple or participate in one involves having a certain etiquette, a certain behavior one must assume. One which I have not received yet. I have read about it in books, but I feel is not enough. I voiced my concerns to Gurudeva, as we often respectfully refer to him, and he reassured me it was ok. That I would learn with time. That I should not worry. But I worry because I don't want to disappoint him, I want to be deserving of this great opportunity he has given me.
So I will make mistakes I'm sure, my only wish is that other fellow devotees will be patient with me, that they share with me a bit of their wisdom and experiences. I promise all the devotees I will meet in the future that I will try my very best in learning about Krishna Consciousness, and to my friends I promise I will share with you all of which I will learn. I will share my experiences, struggles, and visits both in writing and through photographs and videos. Part of my mission during this trip is to record my experiences as someone relatively new to the Krishna Consciousness movement and to record the beautiful work that Gurudeva does for his beloved devotees.
I have left out a few details, but if anyone has a question about anything don't hesitate to drop a comment and I will be more than happy to address any concerns, doubts or curiosities.
I promise I will be including more visual stimulation in future posts. There was a lot that needed to be said and explained and now that that has been done, the planning process begins!!
Haribol!!!
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